Guide
Helping a child with handovers between two homes
By Giedrė, Founder of My Calm Pack · Updated
Short answer
Handovers go best when they are short, calm and the same each time. Prepare the child beforehand, keep adult conversations out of the handover, and use one familiar goodbye.
Many families find handovers at nursery or school easier, because the child isn't watching one parent leave the other.
Before the handover
- Remind the child in the morning where they'll sleep tonight.
- Pack the bag together, including the comfort object.
- Avoid starting an exciting activity just before leaving.
At the door
Keep it brief and friendly. Discussions about money, schedules or disagreements belong in a separate message or call. Children notice tone of voice even when they don't follow the words.
After the handover
The parent receiving the child can offer a calm landing: a drink, some quiet time and the usual routine. See the guide on behaviour after returns for more.
What you could say
- “Have a lovely time at Mummy's. I'll see you on Sunday. Big hug!”
- “Bunny's in your bag. Off you go.”
- “Hello! Let's go home and have a snack.”
Practical steps
- Choose a consistent time and place for handovers.
- Agree that practical details go by message, not at the door.
- Create a short goodbye ritual (a hug, a phrase, a wave).
- Consider nursery or school pick-up as the handover point.
Common questions
- My child cries at every handover. Should we stop them?
- Tears at goodbyes are common and often pass quickly once the child is settled. A consistent routine usually helps. If distress is severe or lasting, seek advice.
When to seek professional help
If handovers are regularly tense between the adults, a family mediation service may help you agree on arrangements. If you have safety concerns, contact the appropriate authorities or legal advice.