Guide
When a child does not want to go to the other parent
By Giedrė, Founder of My Calm Pack · Updated
Short answer
Young children often resist leaving one home — because they are in the middle of play, tired, or find goodbyes hard — even when they enjoy the other home once there.
Respond with empathy, keep to the agreed plan where it is safe, and share observations calmly with the other parent. If there is any concern about safety, seek professional or legal advice.
Common reasons
- Stopping a fun activity is hard at this age.
- Transitions and goodbyes are tiring.
- The child senses tension between the adults.
- Something specific worries them, which they may not be able to explain.
What helps
Give warnings before leaving, keep your own tone positive about the other home, and use the same goodbye ritual. Let the child bring something familiar with them.
Listening without leading
If the child says something about why, listen calmly and avoid leading questions. Note what they said in their words. This matters especially if you later need to speak with a professional.
What you could say
- “It's hard to stop playing. Let's put your Lego somewhere safe for when you're back.”
- “You don't feel like going right now. Daddy is looking forward to seeing you.”
- “Is there something you're worried about? You can tell me.”
Practical steps
- Give a 10-minute and a 2-minute warning before leaving.
- Keep your words about the other home warm or neutral.
- Use the comfort object and goodbye ritual.
- Share practical observations with the other parent without blame.
Common questions
- Should I let my child decide whether to go?
- Young children should not carry that decision. Adults decide on arrangements, ideally together, and seek professional or legal advice if there are real concerns.
When to seek professional help
If refusal is persistent, very distressed, or your child describes something that worries you, speak with a child and family professional, and seek legal or safeguarding advice where safety may be involved.