Guide
Bedtime anxiety after separation or divorce
By Giedrė, Founder of My Calm Pack · Updated
Short answer
Bedtime is often when young children feel changes most, because it is quiet, dark and involves separating from a parent. After a separation, children may resist sleep, wake more or ask for the other parent.
A short, identical bedtime sequence in both homes, a comfort object and a predictable goodnight phrase usually help it settle over time.
Why bedtime brings worries up
During the day there is play and distraction. At night the child is alone with their thoughts, and missing the other parent can feel stronger. This is a normal response to change.
Build one bedtime for two homes
- Same order of steps: bath or wash, pyjamas, teeth, story, song.
- Same comfort object travelling between homes.
- Same short goodnight phrase from both parents.
When they ask for the other parent at night
Acknowledge the feeling briefly and warmly, then return to the routine. Long discussions at bedtime tend to wake a child up rather than calm them.
What you could say
- “You're missing Mummy. She's thinking of you too. You'll see her on Saturday.”
- “Bunny is here, I'm next door, and the night-light is on.”
- “Sleep tight, see you in the morning light.” (use the same phrase every night)
Practical steps
- Agree a basic bedtime order with the other parent.
- Keep lights, noise and screens calm for the last half hour.
- Offer a brief, warm answer to worries, then continue the routine.
- Keep the plan consistent for a few weeks before judging it.
Common questions
- Should my child sleep in my bed after the separation?
- That is a family decision. Many parents find it easier long term to offer comfort in the child's own bed, but there is no single right answer.
When to seek professional help
If sleep problems last a long time, affect your child's daytime wellbeing, or you are becoming exhausted, your GP or health visitor is a good first contact.
Related guides
- Comfort objects and familiar routines between two homes
- What to say when a child says “I want Mummy” or “I want Daddy”
- How to help a young child adjust to two homes
If you'd like to go further, the My Calm Pack audiobook covers these moments in short chapters you can listen to in your browser.